Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
