I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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