Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
