The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
