His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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