I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
