Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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