I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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