I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pants are for mortals
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
