I hate all girls vehemently.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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