And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
