Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
