Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
