bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
