Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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