I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
