Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
