can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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