All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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