This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
