i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
