I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
