You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
