Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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