i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
