Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
