I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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