Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
