my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
