you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
