Tell her she can't have a vagina
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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