Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
