there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
