Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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