So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
