Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
