It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
time to smoke my breakfast
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
