this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
