I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
