I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
