oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
