I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
