"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
