she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
