It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
