all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
