you guys were way drunker than both of me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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