You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
