You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
