Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
