So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
