I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
