I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
