Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize