I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
