I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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