I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
