Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
