Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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