It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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