Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
