I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
