ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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