i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
