So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
