I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
