If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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