The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
