I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
